Here's my problem. I'm a non-materialist, super minimalist. I did't used to be. When I was younger, I had all sorts of posters and toys on display, figures of stuff I liked, decorations, etc. Then I went through a relationship that stripped it all away. I was blind to what was going on, just like any relationship you throw yourself into. Once it began to sour, I started to realize I had lost myself and life was just rolling along at such a speed that I never took the time to put myself back together.
I moved on having only the bare minimum of my possessions. We're talking about just what you could fit in a trunk and backseat. Ever since then, that's what I held on to; just the minimum. The kind of minimum where I would be fine in an efficiency. Still would and it shows because I have one corner of a room where all my stuff is. Laptop, drafting table, crafting supplies; all packed and stacked together.
This is a huge part of my problem with my crafts. I really enjoy working on things, but I don't feel like I connect with them. I'm a fan of a lot of things, but I keep it all inside. That relationship broke me of wanting. It quite seriously almost makes me cry when I think about getting something for myself anymore. I have no problem getting gifts for others. Friends and family express their want of certain things and I am immediately taking mental notes of the when and how. But turn that question on me, like people do twice a year, and you get back a frown, a shrug, and silence.
That's why I've always been so heavy on requesting commissions. I need direction. When I was building our website, I developed fourteen different layouts before my wife realized it and picked one she liked for me to focus on. I've done several projects hoping because so many people I know have expressed their interest in a topic, that the items would sell well. Every single one has had minimal or absolutely no follow-through from the public.
How can I make things people would want when I can't even want things for myself?
So many times lately I feel like just getting rid of it all and giving up.